Losing My Mind

I had to calm down before I could start writing this blog. I was so upset when I got home from the oncologist office that I was crying. My last visit with Dr. Young went so well and now I'm back to wishing I had changed doctors when I had the chance. Unfortunately, I want to be in her drug trial so I have to hang in there. Here's what happened, and once again, I'll backtrack it a little bit:

My original appointment with Dr Young was right after I had my lump removed and it came back as cancer. This is when she told me that it was a small lump, stage 1 and I would only need a lumpectomy and minimal chemotherapy. When I ask her about being triple negative, she responded casually that that was not really that big a deal. I researched it, and I knew it was. Plus, that was the visit she kept pointing up at the skinless poster. I can't stand that poster. I wasn't going to go back to her, but I got alarming news on my MRI and I couldn't get in to see anyone else quickly enough. Dr. Young really seemed concerned during this visit. She told me, according to the MRI, it appeared I have cancer in both breasts and in my lymph nodes. She bumped me up to a stage 2n1 cancer. She told me I needed a double mastectomy and three different types of chemo drugs given all at once for almost 6 months. I felt she was fighting for me!

Which brings us to today. I had a sense of fear going into this appointment. I figured it was nothing more than the final doctor visit before the dreaded chemo began which was bugging me. It turned out to be one nasty day....

Dear Dr. Young,

Dr. Young, you came into my room with such a big smile. You said we finally had good news to celebrate! No cancer in my lymph nodes. You went on to explain that because there was no cancer in my lymph nodes, I could go back to the original treatment plan. Really? The treatment plan that you told Tom you would give me if I were your sister. You SAID if I were your sister you would still only recommend a lumpectomy and 4 treatments of chemo, using only two types of drugs. Today you told me all I had was 2 small tumors, each less than 2 cm. When I tried to correct you, you talked to me like I was a child. I had to tell you that I already had a 1.6 cm tumor removed...the 1.3 cm tumor that was removed was what was MISSED the first time. You said you forgot that I had a lumpectomy done and not a needle biopsy. You aren't especially close with your sisters, are you?

Let's think about this, k? It was after the MRI that you told me that I had cancer in both breasts and in a lymph node. You were wrong. You never mentioned anything about any other tumors in my left breast and do you know why? Because you didn't see it. What you thought was cancer, wasn't. What was cancer, you failed to mention? Remember when that was brought up today about how you didn't know about the second tumor, you said you did know there was "something" there. And you didn't mention this.......... WHY? So, now today I'm your sister again and you looked me in the eyes and told me as your sister, the chemo treatment you would give me would be only 4 treatments with only two different drugs. What a lovely smile when you said I might not lose all my hair.

Dr. Young, right this minute, I do not like you. I do not respect you. I do not believe you care about me living or dying. Right now, Dr. Young, you've left the decision up to me as to which chemo treatment I should have. Do I want the 6 treatments of 3 drugs or the one you'd give your sister: 4 treatments of 2 drugs? You missed seeing a 1.2 cm tumor on the MRI report. What else have you missed?

Love and Hugs.

Your Friend,

Sheri

P.S. Your shoes were extremely ugly today and I'm not just saying that because I'm so angry with you.