I'm often times at a loss for words. How many different ways are there to say thank you? I'm back to say it again. In the mail I received a handful of gift cards from different restaurants in the area. The ones I just received came from a group of people called "The North America Sheri Fan Club". I had no idea there was such a thing. I would so totally join that club. And they know all my favorite places to eat. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I've had plants and scarves and hats and cookies and fresh baked breads and meals and cash and gift cards from so many people. All of it has been appreciated so much. Every get well card that I've received is hanging on ribbons in my hallway. I love seeing them everyday and being reminded of all the people out there that care so much. Those are just the cards that have come in the mail. The emails* I get on a daily basis boggles my mind. At some point I lost the fight in trying to return each email I was sent. I've gotten so far behind and am overwhelmed in trying to get caught up that I've just given up. I still read my emails (I LOVE reading my emails everyday and yes, I've saved them all) everyday and am shocked that I still get so many. I love them all. I love receiving them and reading how so many are praying for me. *new email address = firstname.lastname@example.org
My day consists of checking my emails and my facebook emails, checking for comments on my blog, writing in my blog and reading my fellow cancer warriors' blogs. These women whose blogs I follow everyday are my support group. They leave me comments to ensure I keep up the good fight. I also find strength from reading their blogs. I pour my coffee in the morning, sit down and get caught up on everyone's cancer journey. My plan is always to go back at some point during the day and leave comments on their posts. I don't. I've no real excuse. There are days I finish reading and I've written my blog and I'm tired of cancer. Just don't want to deal with anymore cancer. Maybe that's why I've shut down on email responses too.
Suddenly my whole life has become cancer. Not just my life, but my family's life. I know Allison and Jacob get asked time and again how their mom is doing. Their teachers ask; parents of their friends ask; their friends ask! Even my children can't escape it. Besides people asking me how I'm doing, the most commonly asked question is how are the kids dealing with this. If they are upset, they are hiding it well. They seem fine. Both just brought home their report cards and both are still straight A students. They aren't acting out at school. My prayers for my children to deal with this in stride have been answered so far.
Today it was important for me that I tell everyone thank you, because I realized how crappy I've been at letting everyone know how much I appreciate them. I appreciate the gifts, kind words and mostly the prayers. Yesterday a fellow cancer fighter whose blog I loved - I found out her journey came to an end. I was devastated for many reasons. Selfishly a person fighting cancer never wants to hear about someone dying from cancer. But mostly I was sad that I never told her how much I loved her writing. She was one of those whose blog I followed, but never commented on. My heart and prayers go out to her husband and young son. She was a delight, and her death doesn't make sense to me. I'll miss her words greatly.
Does seem silly that I hadn't learned by now how short and unexpected life can be. I vow to make sure all the people I love, respect and hold dear in my life know I love, respect and hold them dear. I say thank you to Manda for opening my eyes. I loved you when you were alive...you just didn't know it.