Thankful

I am in awe right now.

Today I spent from 9:30am - 3:00pm at the cancer center learning about cancer stuff. Things I learned today: the side effects of radiation suck, but aren't nearly as bad as the side effects of chemo; I have to buy my wig before I start chemotherapy; I have a short attention span when people talk to me for long periods of time; I have the start of a hangnail on my left thumb; it is extremely important that I watch what I eat, because breast cancer is the only cancer you get that causes you to GAIN weight (insert curse word here); I look GOOOOOOD in those cancer hats; I look like Aunt Jamima in the cancer scarves; when they tell you that there is now a medicine that keeps you from being sick during chemo - it only keeps some women from getting sick; the cancer center needs to find a new woman to share with me her survival story, because the one I had to talk to today sucked the life out of me (more on this later); I have so many praying for me that I'm speechless (Tom says to say thanks.)

Wow. I can't think of a better word than wow. When I was first diagnosed, I started getting emails from family and friends. Each day that went by my prognosis got worse and the emails increased. You may not believe this, but I've not been sleeping well the last couple of weeks - some stuff on my mind kinda keeping me from getting the 12 - 14 hours a night that a normal stay-at-home mom gets. Since I'm not sleeping, I wait til the family goes to bed to update my blog and return emails. Last night I was up until after 4am returning emails (if you were the one that received the email at 4:00, it doesn't mean I love you the least...I'm answering them in the order I receive them...as far as you know anyway.) Today when I got home I had over 50 emails, and only a very few of them were trying to sell me Viagra. (I wonder if the people from my church who are reading this will find that funny.)

I read this from an article written in Science Daily:

Triple negative breast cancer is a highly aggressive form which comprises 10-15 percent of newly diagnosed early stage breast cancer. Most triple negative tumors are high grade and have a high incidence of recurrence and metastases (spreading to other organs). Unlike other types of breast cancer, there is no standard follow-up treatment for triple negative breast cancer to prevent recurrence.

I can't spend the rest of my life sitting around worrying. I will never fully understand why God gave me this disease, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. God gave me cancer, but I also believe very strongly in the power of prayer. Whatever the path God decides I shall take, I know I'm not taking it alone. The surgery, the chemo, the radiation, is mine to go through...but somehow it's a little easier knowing there are so many, many, many people who are praying for me along the way.

"So then, those who suffer according to God's will should entrust their souls to their faithful Creator and continue to do what is good." 1 Peter 4:19

God, family, friends and a sense of humor will get me through this.

So here is a shout out to all mah peeps! I'll keep you abreast. Werd.

I'm sorry to say, sadly, that I'm too exhausted to tell the story of the cancer survivor lady, nor am I able to return emails tonight. I've taken a neat pill that is causing me to feel very drugged and kinda gangsta. Peace out.