Monday, August 10, 2009

Becoming Whole

This will likely be my last Nothing To Worry About blog post. I created this blog to stop the endless phone calls I was receiving from my family and friends who required daily updates on my condition. I'm so blessed to have so many people who love me, truly I am, but there was a moment that I thought to myself: "If one more person calls me today and asks how I'm feeling, I'm going to jump out the window." (First floor window, not second, because I've an extreme fear of heights.)

As for where I am today? The depression is probably my main focus. I was told I could get hit with depression, and danged if I didn't. Maybe I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall - but I can't seem to believe having breast cancer is over. While on vacation in Branson, MO last week I met a woman who is a 15 year survivor. When we started talking, I told her I have breast cancer even though I knew at the time it wasn't true. You see, I'm a breast cancer survivor, but I can't bring myself to say that. I can't put into words how scary it is to one day say those words - to believe them myself - only to find out it's not true. Just typing that made me cry.

I freakin' hate cancer! I hate it! It consumed my breasts and is consuming my life...STILL. Seven months of my life have been turned over to this monster. I remember that first day I found out - the surgeon telling me it will take me 6 - 9 months to beat this. It seemed impossible to believe. My dad watched me go through chemo and often stated his disbelief that with today's modern medicine treatments, chemo seemed almost inhumane. To my dad I say: WORD! (for the less hip folks, that means "so true.") Did you really have to almost kill me to heal me?

Now more than anything, I need energy and pain free days. I can force myself to get out of bed and be active, but the next day my legs are going to hurt. Anytime I've mentioned my legs to Dr Young, she ignores it. I'm supposed to go back for an EKG, echo thingy, chest x-ray and visit with the good doctor soon...once again I'll bring up my legs (not literally) and try to make her realize that when I say my legs hurt - I mean - My. Legs. Hurt!

And now about this here blog... I'm shuttin her down. I'll still keep a blog, but this one was strictly to follow my breast cancer journey. And that, my friends, has come to an end. I pray for an end to all cancers, but should you find yourself in contact with a person who wants/needs this journal - I want them directed my way without them wondering why I'm writing about flea and tick drops that don't seem to be working. Ya know?

There will be one more post after this one - it will give you a link to my new blog site. You won't have to go there. No pressure. I hear there might be free candy give aways though. (I purposely didn't post a story today even though I have MANY! I'm saving them for my new blog. But still, no pressure.)

15 comments:

  1. You are continually in my prayers. If you need meds for the depression, get them. You are a strong and amazing woman. You have a most beautiful spirit. It's totally ok to be scared and freaked and all those other things, it's been a heck of a year. I will continue to pray that every day gives you more strength and peace and less pain. That every day you find more joy than the day before.

    I am waiting in breathless anticipation for the new link. So don't take too long. lol I need to talk about flees and things like that too. You are a blessing in my life, thank you.

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  2. I love you, Amy! I'm so happy I found you again.

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  3. Please keep blogging dear heart. keep strong and blessings to you! xo

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  4. so glad you're continuing to blog, will look for the link to the new one.
    stay stong, never give up the fight!
    may God be with you, will keep you in my prayers.
    huggies...

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  5. Sheri, I can't wait to read your new journal. I'm glad we were all here for you and I know you are thanking us, but I have to thank you for letting me glimpse and gain understanding of how it feels to go thru the cancer challenge. It helped prepare me with my sister who is battling cancer and be respectful of her feelings. You're an amazing, funny woman and I can't wait to read a different chapter where Sheri is concerned. God Bless you and yours! I pray God give you peace in your heart and let you know He is with you thru all things.

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  6. I am so happy to hear you are cancer free. I am sorry for your depression, but don't fight the drugs for it. You will always be in our prayers and keep that "Fighting for Sheri" attitude!!!!

    Love,
    Bennye & George

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  7. What? You're not ready for the I'm-well-and-I'm-proud-Say-it-loud routine?

    I think a lot of people share an irrational fear that saying something out loud will jinx it. Of course, not many of us speak of such serious things as cancer. Fear of cancer is not irrational. Or maybe it is.
    Either way, I feel your pain.
    (Although I really don't. I just feel bad for you cuz I love you. "I feel your pain" is just something I say.)

    I think the same things about Calvin's status; how/when can we say he's cancer-free?
    Cancer [that b*tch] snuck up without warning and played unfair the whole time.

    He ended his chemo at the same time as you. Each day as I watch him return to full health and full strength I pray that some o' that healing will come your way.

    They had to almost kill you to make you well - yep.

    And I will follow you (blogging) even if you talk about pretzels, mosquitoes, and Lady Business.

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  8. Glad you posted, good to hear what's going on with you. It's been a tough battle, you deserve to be able to say you are cancer-free!!

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  9. Sheri, you will always be in my thoughts.. and my prayers. You continue to amaze me with your strength.. I hope you continue in your journey in staying cancer free.. I pray that you can find peace...and know in your heart what an inspiration you were to others.. most of all I hope you can find comfort... I wish you all the best... don't ever be afraid to say you're a cancer survivor.. be proud..you fought and fought hard.. losing more than any person should ever have to lose.. I wish you peace..peace within..
    Kelly~

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  10. Please keep blogging dear heart. keep strong and blessings to you!
    How to make a website

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  11. Oh my gosh Sheri please keep blogging. So many times I read yours and felt exactly the same way....
    Stay strong and enjoy the freedom..we are right with you so push over on that Survivor train....
    Love Alli

    can you send me your new link?
    alliwrites@gmail.com
    thanks xx

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  12. Sheri, I understand why you want closure and move on, if you don't write anymore, please know that I wish you the very best, your journey has been a inspiration to me!
    Hugs Maire

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  13. What an amazing story. You're absolutely right, and I wish you all the best at your new place!

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