Monday, February 2, 2009

My Journey

I'm looking at breast cancer not as a battle, per se, but as a journey. I know a lot of survivors say they won the battle and I think that's awesome. They did win. But for me, I don't feel that I'm fighting. Not really.

What I have done is to see the best doctors in the Kansas City area. I've listened to their advice and prayed to God to guide me in the correct direction. I will now do everything in my power to survive.

My power is praying, asking for prayer and following the advice of doctors and specialists that I trust. My journey is doing these things one at a time. (Does any of this make sense?) For me a battle is mean and fierce and bloody and painful. Yep, cancer is mean and fierce and bloody and painful, but I'd rather look at it as a path I'm being forced to follow. (Now is anyone following?)

I have absolutely no idea how this journey is going to end. I don't. I know how I PRAY it will end. Is everyone aware that since the day I found out I have breast cancer my survival rate has done nothing but drop? I started out having a 92% survival rate. Once it was discovered that I was triple negative I moved down to 77% survival rate. Right at this moment I have been moved to the lovely rate of 68% chance of making it through alive. All I want to do is live. My family wants me to live. My friends want me to live. People I have never met and yet they are praying for me want me to live. As far as I'm concerned: I have a 100% chance or a 0% chance. All the numbers the doctors keep throwing around are a pure waste of my time.

Today I took my first real step on my journey. I cut my hair off. It was a horrible painful thing for me to do. I cried. I cried because I cut my hair! How sad is that? But I'm determined to find the good with every step I take. Today someone will get 24 inches of the most beautiful hair in allllllllllllllllllllllllll the world. My awesome, wonderful and beautiful friend Robyn sent me this Bible verse today: 2 Kings 2:23-24:

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

When Robyn sent that verse, I was in the process of getting my hair cut. I told no one I was going to cut my hair today. I wasn't sure I could go through with it and didn't want people asking me about it if I ended up chickening out. (I feel that way about going on a diet, too. If you tell people you are going to do something and then you don't do it, someone might laugh - or mention it in their blog. I personally don't know anyone like that, but I've heard they are out there. Those people are bad, but you must love them anyway.)

I know God is looking out for me - even for something as simple as a haircut. My haircut had to be done and I am now not even slightly upset about it. Thank you, God.

And to you, Robyn, I promise to never tell anyone of your random act of kindness. (By the way, if anyone hasn't read Rob's comment to me under the "Perhaps I was too hasty" entry, I highly recommend you do. Things are so much clearer now.)


  1. This is my lovely wife. Through the years, I have seen her with long hair and short, with the addition of varying man-made dyes and au naturale. I have loved her unceasingly as the lukewarm believer she was when we met and married and the Christian woman she is today. She is one of my three greatest gifts from the Lord. She is beautiful to me in her humor, her compassion, her tenderness, and even in her child-like innocence and rebellion. (Please note how many times simple statements of the truth anger her.) I love her without equivication.

    As a Christian man who has felt the sting of a wake-up swat from God (we call it cancer), I have found myself wanting Sheri's blog to be 24/7 God, God, GOD! But we see in the Bible that God is a loving God, a God of war, a God of mercy, a jealous God, and more. Sheri is a loving wife and mother, a funny writer, and tender heart, a goofy klutz, and yes, a Christian. I love this post, because it shows her struggle in faith and her growth in Christ. But ... if we weren't talking life and death and that nasty pesky cancer, I would love all the post. My prayer for my beautiful wife is that nothing, not me, not her children, not the blog, NOTHING gets in the way of her relationship with God. With that assurance then this blog like her cancer will go the way the Lord wants it to go.

    I love you, Sheri. I pray for you unceasingly. May God bless you always.

  2. Sheri,

    I think your haircut looks great. Everything that you will have to endure is going to be a test of your faith in God but I know you are a strong person and that God is strongest of all. You WILL make it through this trying time. All of us will be praying for you and your family. The power of prayer is an amazing thing and always remember that God's power is stronger than anything the devil can try to dish out.

    "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You" (Psalm 56:3).

  3. I think your haircut looks great too.
    I also happen to know that your hair grows quite quickly.
    So, no worries on growing it back.
    Sending more positive vibes your way today!
    ~ P

  4. The hair might take YOU a bit of getting used to, but it really does look great. Very 2009. And perhaps your former 24" of hair can now go to make a rug for some poor man and no more youths will have to be eaten by bears for making fun of him.

  5. Sheri,

    I think you look awesome in your new haircut! There's something about that..cutting your hair and all...I did it too.. I love it!

    What I am most taken with is your husbands comment. Whoa... I love are so lucky to have your support system, not only in your friends and family, but just in your knowing, and your relationship with God...


  6. I LOVE the new hair, it looks fantastic.
    Keeping you in my prayers.