Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Pain
It's almost 5am. I am going to take some time away from the blog until I can get out of chemo fog before I post again. The pain is keeping me awake. The pain is everywhere... it starts at my scalp and wraps itself around my neck, down my shoulders, deep into my spine and continues to move down my body. It has worked its way deep into every fiber of my being. I almost start crying because of the pain and self pity, but the tears hurt my eyes. The cure to my cancer is to literally have life sucked out of my body. Right now I wonder why I'm keeping this blog. Do I ever want to look back on this and relive it?
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If you're not gonna be up to staying current on comments and blogs I'll do you the favor of letting you know I am the Smartest Woman in the Universe.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky to have me.
First off; I feel bad that you're hurting.
Having lived with chronic pain for a decade, I can tell you that it's harder when you're feeling sorry for yourself. I AM NOT ON A HIGH HORSE AGAINST SELF-PITY.
It is an amazing tool, a reality, and a balm.
To anyone who's never had Real Pain and the dregs that accompany the suffering; shut up, kiss it, bite me. Don't weigh in here; we're talking.
Pain hurts, and the mind/heart do not like pain. Duh.
I feel bad that you're in this place right now. I'd like to take some of the pity burden, but not in a "You're Pitiful" way.
You're amazing (despite the fact that you call Bare Naked meat "BBQ," but I won't bring that up right now. It would be in poor taste, seeing as you don't have the clarity to debate fine points and probably lack the strength to develop an intelligent argument.)
You've got to be about the business of kicking this CA's a**, so lemme have some of that Other Burden.
YES you wanna blog. Hindsight! When the a** is fully kicked you won't remember the details. You'll have this record, PLUS you'll be friends with the Smartest Woman in the Universe.
Lucky you.
See. How I flipped it?
Seriously Pulling For YOU.
Whether or not you relive this, you're graciously giving comfort and hope to others who are and will suffer as you are today. You are an amazing woman to share this with the world.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers are going out that you make it through your chemo fog quickly.
I am truly sorry that you are in so much pain. I pray that you can find comfort soon. You have every right to feel the way you do..complain all you want.. you don't have to justify anything to anyone. keep on blogging so when you beat this son-of-a-bitch... you can come back and laugh in it's face.. stay strong Sheri.. my thoughts and more so my prayers go out to you and yours..
ReplyDeleteKelly~
Sheri-please call your onc and get some meds ASAP and at least take care of the physical pain. I know from experience (see multiple posts) that it is very hard not to be depressed and angry while you are reeling in pain.As for your blog, I know you don't want to ever relive these moments again but you will have a record of what you went through to have life. Maybe you will share this blog with your children someday. You are going through this struggle in part to be there for them. (I know you have one now but maybe there are more in the future). I am hoping that this pain is short-lived!
ReplyDeleteIn your corner
Sue
Sherri,
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt your blogging is helping people. You are helping me. If you can make it through this awful stuff ... maybe I can too.
Others need to know what treatment can be like and how strong one has to be to get through it.
I have often used the words ... sucked the life right out of me ... I know the feeling and it's the worst
Please continue sharing your thoughts and feelings so that others understand.
Daria
Sheri, 2 down and 4 to go. This isn't a battle, it's a test of your fortitude. You can do it - all of us know you can because you have every reason in the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming the neulasta is giving you the bone pain. Taking plain Claritin allergy pills seems to help with that for some reason. If your Doc blows you off, do it anyway. It helps immensely.
Ask for pain meds. Good stuff like Oxycodone or a pain patch for constant dispensation. There is absolutely no reason for you to suffer this way.
I'm pulling for you sweetheart.
-Sharon
I can't imagine what living with constant pain is like, especially of this caliber, and it breaks my heart to read about your intimacy with it. I would not blame you were you to stop blogging, but I can tell you without hesitation that your blog has been a gift to those of us who love you and wonder every day how you're doing, but can't be with you and feel helpless about the whole thing. It's a connection to those who have first-hand knowledge of what you're going through. And even though it has to be tough, maybe it's cathartic for you. I hope you keep blogging. I know you'll have victory over this - after all, I'm very wise - and when you do, perhaps you'll realize how much value this blog has had for so many people.
ReplyDeleteSheri,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is such a gift to so many women, honestly. Take a break..if you need to..but we all would miss talking with you...and sharing your world.
Stacy
(( Sheri )) You need to do whatever it takes to get you thru this challenge. Take a turn here, go a step back there or never retrace those steps again. There is no wrong answer to decisions made because it is your life. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteSheri...please call your oncologist, there is no reason why they should not be trying every pain med possible to relieve you of the agony your suffering. Your in pain...dont worry about your blog right now, worry about you!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Maire
Hoping that by the time you read this you've found some relief, I'm also really identifying with your situation with the blog. Mine was begun so I could share my journey - but at one point I had nothing to say except stuff that sounded like complaints. So I've been quiet for awhile and am not even sure how to ease back in to telling the story.
ReplyDeleteIf we can do anything to be supportive, I'd like to and there are lots of us out here who are pulling for you.
twitter: @susanreynolds
Don't feel stressed if you can't keep up everyday. This is for you not for us. Let it be therapeutic for yourself and maybe someday for your kids. Just rest. Prayers.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Keep hanging in there. You will get through this.
ReplyDeleteThis is one time I can say in all honesty that I REALLY know what you are going through! Chemo was the absolute worst for me. The term, "road kill" did not even begin to describe it! I did blog through it all, and sometimes I do wonder why I would want to hold on to those memories. I figured it out! I NEVER want to get to the place where I tell people, "Oh, it wasn't that bad!" I NEVER want to water down what I went through or make myself out to be a bigger hero than what I was. So now it's all documented, there for the world to see.
ReplyDeleteAnd believe me, think of whining as part of the chemo drip! It's just there for all of us. I remember telling my oncologist that I was the biggest whiner there was and he said, "Oh no you're not!" So I guess it's true with all of us!
So glad I found your blog today! I'll be keeping you in my prayers and will be back often to check up on you!
Cora
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.. keeping you in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteKelly~
Sheri.
ReplyDeletehang in there... we're all there rooting for you and in our prayers. . . Just because you're not updating, and our comments and feedback is not comming through thick and fast does not mean we are not thinking of you,
because we are ... (just thought you should know)
Ken
Thank you all! I love my blog and I love everyone who reads it. I'm not going anywhere!
ReplyDelete