Short post.
Did get my chemo today, so I'm chocked-full of nausea fun.
Today is also my little man's birthday. My Jacob turns 8. How could this have happened? He wasn't supposed to grow up. We celebrated yesterday since I will probably end up throwing up all my internal organs tonight. No one wants to party with a gal who has no internal organs. It's true. Look it up.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Blogging For The Fun Of It
Nothing new on the cancer front, really. I'm tired all the time. There seems to be something going on with my legs, because they hurt worse than any other part of my body. Going up and down the stairs is oh-so-very painful. The legs and all other body pain I can handle ok now that I got my rear-end fine tuned. The tiredness doesn't bother me as much as it used to either and I finally figured out why: I like sleeping. Sleeping makes time go by quickly and I want time to fly. I want this to be over. I love doing anything that causes me to lose track of time. Anything that doesn't cause me to think about how uncomfortable I am.
My days are pretty quiet now. I've sorta withdrawn from the family the last few weeks or so. At first I thought it was depression, but now I know it's not; it's purely me unable to concentrate on anything. I have a tough time focusing on conversations or television shows. One of the few things I can do is read. I seem to have no trouble losing myself in a book. So, that is how I spend my time - reading and sleeping. Blogging is tough because my fingers ache. They're stiff and sore, so typing can be a bit rough. I'm used to sitting down at my laptop, saying a prayer about what I'm going to write, then quickly typing my thoughts out. When I type slow like this I lose focus a lot.
The topic of this blog is really vampires. I didn't realize I loved vampires so much until I read the Twilight books. Why did I read the Twilight books, you ask? I know, not my normal style of book to read! Blame Allison and my cuz Princess V. Allison had been BEGGING to see the movie Twilight (alllllll the kids in the whole world have seen it except her.) I didn't know anything about the movie (yep, I'm that lame) I only knew it was rated PG-13 and she is 9. I've seen some rough PG-13 movies and I like to preview them before unleashing them on my children. I had no way of seeing the movie, but my wonderful cousin had the book set! And she let me borrow them! Because she loves me! And I can't blame her!
The Twilight books are about a (SPOILER ALERT! STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO RUIN THE BOOKS FOR YOU! yeah, whatever, I know everyone knows this already, but I always wanted to type SPOILER ALERT! it makes me feel important. you know, like I know things you don't) vampire! But he's a good vampire. I'm going to stop here for a moment...I know there are a few out there reading this that are shocked that I read these books. I'm not going to defend my Christianity. I'm not. I'm good with God. They're just books. Regardless, I'm not letting my daughter read them. She's too young. Soooo...I thought I'd check out the movie. I mean, geez, if every kid in the world has seen this movie but her, how bad could it be?
I wasn't thrilled with the ending of the movie. I feared it would give her nightmares, but her friends had already told her everything about said scary ending. Ok, she could watch the movie with me. We settle down to watch our movie - just the two of us and halfway through Tom starts watching it, too. He kept looking over at me and mouthing the words "this is stupid". I would give him the most mature reply I could think of by mouthing back "you are". I blame my steroids for the hostility.
So, the movie is over and all is well -I thought! All was well with Allison anyway. She didn't seem to be scared. Said she LOVED the movie. Now when Allison said she loved the movie, this made Tom unhappy. The movie is about (SPOILER ALERT!) a vampire who falls in love with a young girl who isn't a vampire and he does his darn best not to kill her. That's romance, folks. Tom was upset that his daughter now has the impression that it's ok to date a killer vampire... even if they PROMISE they won't kill you. He said it's too dangerous.
Allll righty. I'm the one that allowed her to watch the movie, so that means I'm the one who has to put the rule in place that Allison is never allowed to date vampires. I get so tired of always being the bad guy.
My days are pretty quiet now. I've sorta withdrawn from the family the last few weeks or so. At first I thought it was depression, but now I know it's not; it's purely me unable to concentrate on anything. I have a tough time focusing on conversations or television shows. One of the few things I can do is read. I seem to have no trouble losing myself in a book. So, that is how I spend my time - reading and sleeping. Blogging is tough because my fingers ache. They're stiff and sore, so typing can be a bit rough. I'm used to sitting down at my laptop, saying a prayer about what I'm going to write, then quickly typing my thoughts out. When I type slow like this I lose focus a lot.
The topic of this blog is really vampires. I didn't realize I loved vampires so much until I read the Twilight books. Why did I read the Twilight books, you ask? I know, not my normal style of book to read! Blame Allison and my cuz Princess V. Allison had been BEGGING to see the movie Twilight (alllllll the kids in the whole world have seen it except her.) I didn't know anything about the movie (yep, I'm that lame) I only knew it was rated PG-13 and she is 9. I've seen some rough PG-13 movies and I like to preview them before unleashing them on my children. I had no way of seeing the movie, but my wonderful cousin had the book set! And she let me borrow them! Because she loves me! And I can't blame her!
The Twilight books are about a (SPOILER ALERT! STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO RUIN THE BOOKS FOR YOU! yeah, whatever, I know everyone knows this already, but I always wanted to type SPOILER ALERT! it makes me feel important. you know, like I know things you don't) vampire! But he's a good vampire. I'm going to stop here for a moment...I know there are a few out there reading this that are shocked that I read these books. I'm not going to defend my Christianity. I'm not. I'm good with God. They're just books. Regardless, I'm not letting my daughter read them. She's too young. Soooo...I thought I'd check out the movie. I mean, geez, if every kid in the world has seen this movie but her, how bad could it be?
I wasn't thrilled with the ending of the movie. I feared it would give her nightmares, but her friends had already told her everything about said scary ending. Ok, she could watch the movie with me. We settle down to watch our movie - just the two of us and halfway through Tom starts watching it, too. He kept looking over at me and mouthing the words "this is stupid". I would give him the most mature reply I could think of by mouthing back "you are". I blame my steroids for the hostility.
So, the movie is over and all is well -I thought! All was well with Allison anyway. She didn't seem to be scared. Said she LOVED the movie. Now when Allison said she loved the movie, this made Tom unhappy. The movie is about (SPOILER ALERT!) a vampire who falls in love with a young girl who isn't a vampire and he does his darn best not to kill her. That's romance, folks. Tom was upset that his daughter now has the impression that it's ok to date a killer vampire... even if they PROMISE they won't kill you. He said it's too dangerous.
Allll righty. I'm the one that allowed her to watch the movie, so that means I'm the one who has to put the rule in place that Allison is never allowed to date vampires. I get so tired of always being the bad guy.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Crack In My Diagnosis Pt 3
It's Easter and as promised Dr. Graham showed up at the hospital to examine my hiney. I told him how last month I was in the hospital with a high fever and sore rear; how they told me at the time it was a fissure and the fever they weren't sure about - maybe the only thing causing it was my low white blood cell count. Dr. Graham was suspicious, but said little before my exam except that it's really not possible to feel a fissure. He seemed to think the last butt doctor I saw in the hospital was merely guessing.
I was rolled over into butt exam position...drawers dropped...humiliation galore..."is this it?" POKE! And he knew exactly what it was, what was going on with me and how to make it better.
I'm going to stop there for a moment. I figure since I'm being so honest here, I'll go ahead and really humiliate myself. That exam - that horrible, horrible exam. Because there is nothing more embarrassing than having someone poking at you bottom and asking questions, I felt the need to make things as wickedly humiliating as humanly possible for myself...
Now remember all day Saturday and Sunday I was in nasty pain. Wonderful Dr. Edwards had given the thumbs up on as much pain medicine as I could handle. The pain meds were able to halt any diarrhea that may have happened from the antibiotics. In fact, the pain meds tried to make it so I'd never poop again. Ever. EVER! Soooo much discomfort. I told my nurse that I've got a bottom full of poo that absolutely will not come out. "No problem, Sheri!" and off she scampered the get me three different types of laxatives that I took all at once (I'm not kidding!) The sad part? They didn't work.
Sunday night rolls around and I'm full of laxatives that aren't working and I'm due for a butt exam. I didn't see how this was going to go well. I looked down at my distended stomach - said a little prayer and rolled over for my exam. You know how when you blow up an air mattress and the air stays pretty much inside even when you don't have the valve closed? But if you touch the valve a little - just the slightest bit of pressure - the air will come rushing out? Either you understand what I'm trying to say or you don't; whatever the case I'm not going into anymore detail for you.
The exam was rather quick (I'm not sure if that's the norm for him, or if my free flowing air rushed him along.) But he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that the other doctors had been wrong. I did not have a fissure. The lump on the outside of my bottom was an abscess. While he couldn't see the inside, his guess would be that I had another abscess or worse inside my rear. He explained that abscess was shooting infection throughout my body which was causing my fever. He said they were wildly painful and couldn't believe I'd been living with it as long as I had. Dr. Graham was ready to operate on it right then and there.
He explained what the surgery entailed; how the abscess was full of infected puss that needed to be drained. The only thing that would have made that moment any better would have been if I had been eating a bowl of tapioca pudding. Gah! He said once he had the thing drained I would feel soooo much better. While I wanted the thing fixed as quickly as possible, having surgery right then and there wasn't possible. I needed to make sure that Dad, Tom, and the kids were taken care of first. It seemed to me that it would be easier for everyone if I had the surgery the next morning while the kids were in school.
7:30am Monday and I'm ready for the pain to be over. In and out of surgery! I'm back in my room by 10:30am. It was clear, after the surgery, that I was wrongly diagnosed. I never had a fissure. What I had was a large abscess on the outside and an even larger fistula on the inside. I'd never heard of a fistula, so it was explained to me that it was something you do NOT want. My fistula was started from an untreated abscess that was deeeeeeep inside my butt area (you know...the part where poop comes out.) My untreated abscess formed a hole in that super sensitive area of mine. The hole welcomed germs and all kinds of other guests. They weren't happy to just sit there either. Nope. They thought they should see the world! A tunnel was formed. Apparently, it was quite large, too. Abscess drained and fistula closed and stitched up.
I'm a new woman! I may not be able to have my next chemo treatment on time now. Dr. Young gets to examine my bum on Friday and decide if the area is healed enough for me to receive my poison. If I'm not healed, I'll be delayed a week. A part of me wants it delayed, but another part doesn't. I'm sooooo stinkin ready for chemo to be over.
I was rolled over into butt exam position...drawers dropped...humiliation galore..."is this it?" POKE! And he knew exactly what it was, what was going on with me and how to make it better.
I'm going to stop there for a moment. I figure since I'm being so honest here, I'll go ahead and really humiliate myself. That exam - that horrible, horrible exam. Because there is nothing more embarrassing than having someone poking at you bottom and asking questions, I felt the need to make things as wickedly humiliating as humanly possible for myself...
Now remember all day Saturday and Sunday I was in nasty pain. Wonderful Dr. Edwards had given the thumbs up on as much pain medicine as I could handle. The pain meds were able to halt any diarrhea that may have happened from the antibiotics. In fact, the pain meds tried to make it so I'd never poop again. Ever. EVER! Soooo much discomfort. I told my nurse that I've got a bottom full of poo that absolutely will not come out. "No problem, Sheri!" and off she scampered the get me three different types of laxatives that I took all at once (I'm not kidding!) The sad part? They didn't work.
Sunday night rolls around and I'm full of laxatives that aren't working and I'm due for a butt exam. I didn't see how this was going to go well. I looked down at my distended stomach - said a little prayer and rolled over for my exam. You know how when you blow up an air mattress and the air stays pretty much inside even when you don't have the valve closed? But if you touch the valve a little - just the slightest bit of pressure - the air will come rushing out? Either you understand what I'm trying to say or you don't; whatever the case I'm not going into anymore detail for you.
The exam was rather quick (I'm not sure if that's the norm for him, or if my free flowing air rushed him along.) But he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that the other doctors had been wrong. I did not have a fissure. The lump on the outside of my bottom was an abscess. While he couldn't see the inside, his guess would be that I had another abscess or worse inside my rear. He explained that abscess was shooting infection throughout my body which was causing my fever. He said they were wildly painful and couldn't believe I'd been living with it as long as I had. Dr. Graham was ready to operate on it right then and there.
He explained what the surgery entailed; how the abscess was full of infected puss that needed to be drained. The only thing that would have made that moment any better would have been if I had been eating a bowl of tapioca pudding. Gah! He said once he had the thing drained I would feel soooo much better. While I wanted the thing fixed as quickly as possible, having surgery right then and there wasn't possible. I needed to make sure that Dad, Tom, and the kids were taken care of first. It seemed to me that it would be easier for everyone if I had the surgery the next morning while the kids were in school.
7:30am Monday and I'm ready for the pain to be over. In and out of surgery! I'm back in my room by 10:30am. It was clear, after the surgery, that I was wrongly diagnosed. I never had a fissure. What I had was a large abscess on the outside and an even larger fistula on the inside. I'd never heard of a fistula, so it was explained to me that it was something you do NOT want. My fistula was started from an untreated abscess that was deeeeeeep inside my butt area (you know...the part where poop comes out.) My untreated abscess formed a hole in that super sensitive area of mine. The hole welcomed germs and all kinds of other guests. They weren't happy to just sit there either. Nope. They thought they should see the world! A tunnel was formed. Apparently, it was quite large, too. Abscess drained and fistula closed and stitched up.
I'm a new woman! I may not be able to have my next chemo treatment on time now. Dr. Young gets to examine my bum on Friday and decide if the area is healed enough for me to receive my poison. If I'm not healed, I'll be delayed a week. A part of me wants it delayed, but another part doesn't. I'm sooooo stinkin ready for chemo to be over.
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