Oops!

I see I didn't update again after my last post. I'm fine! I can't remember what they said the lump was, but it's not cancer.

I had another scare a couple of months ago. I developed a deep pain in what felt like the bone of my left hip. I was walking with a limp and quite sure that I had bone cancer. Tom told me to see my regular doctor, because I was overreacting by wanting to see my oncologist. Of course he lost that fight. So, you can well imagine the smugness on his face when I got a call from my oncologist to tell me I have arthritis and not cancer.

I don't update my blog anymore (or do housework, or cook, or bathe) because I spend an unbelievable amount of time reading on my e-reader. My family mocks my choices of books that I read, so, I'm not going to get into that for fear of even more mockery. If I'm not reading, I'm toting the kiddos around with my free taxi service. Basically I'm busy doing anything I can except housework.

I do deeply apologize for not updating this and letting everyone know that I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm happy. I need a maid.

Please Let It Be Nothing

I'll make this short and sweet: I had a mammogram and I have a lump. I'm scheduled for a biopsy this week Friday. The radiologist and my oncologist have both seen my mammogram and said get it biopsied. I just had a phone call from my family doctor who was sent a copy of the mammogram and was making sure I was informed that there's a lump and I should get it biopsied - you know, because I just wasn't freaking out enough.

This is all I know and I will update as soon as I get my biopsy result back.

Can't Complain - No, Really!

I am just terrible at keeping this thing updated. I'd love to say that I haven't been updating it because I've just been too darn busy, but that ain't it. Things here have settled into a comfortable hum. As I was thinking about what to write, I realized at this time I have nothing to complain about.

My son is sick, but it's just a virus. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for him and wish I could make it better and all that, but he's been home three days this week! I'd gotten used to having a little alone time during the day, but last week there was no work for Tom and no school for the kids because of snow. This was the week I was supposed to get back on my normal schedule, but I can't because these people won't leave the house! I have things to do! Granted I won't do them, but I feel less guilty about not doing them when I'm alone.

Cancer update: Nothing new to report.

Hair update: Growing back and is to the point where I can almost put it in a ponytail. I think I read on some of my survivor sisters' blogs that the hair reaching ponytail stage is quite a milestone - indeed it is, my friends. Indeed it is. (See attached posted picture)






Chemo brain update: Much better!





Mood: Meh. I have ups and downs, but definitely more ups than downs now.



And that's it. All is swell for the time being. Should things change, you'll be one of the firsts to know. Writing about your problems is very soothing. I highly recommend it.





Peace out, yo!

Two Years

Chemo brain erased a lot of my memories, but that first discovery will never disappear. I remember the day I got married; being told I was pregnant with Allison; the birth of my children; and being told that lump that was nothing was actually cancer. It will be two years ago next month that they found the nothing cancer lump.

It's funny how vivid that memory is of going to the doctor's office after receiving that phone call. At one point there were three nurses, the doctor, plus Tom and me all in the little patient room all at once. It felt like everyone was talking to me at once except Tom. Anyone who knows Tom knows that he has an opinion on most anything and he's not shy about telling it. If you tell him something he didn't know, he'll happily look it up on the internet and confirm what he was told and also to become more knowledgeable about said subject. He's a smart guy and I depend on him to keep a clear head and know stuff that I have never had any interest in.

Sitting in that room with Tom, it wasn't hard to not remember that his mother had died of breast cancer only a few years before. I knew he had to be thinking about it and I knew he had to be knowledgeable on everything and anything breast cancer related. Heck, in my mind, I figured he knew more than the doctor. So, while I was sitting there hysterically crying and hearing words like mastectomy, radiation, and chemotherapy - I was also waiting for Tom to speak up and say they were wrong. Seriously. Especially when the word chemotherapy was thrown around - I KNEW Tom was going to say no way!

If you've never read my entire blog (shame, shame, shame on you!) you'll remember that they originally told me the lump they found was only 7 millimeters big. I hate the metric system; I'm really not sure how big that is either, but they tell me it's small, ok? So, I was thinking to myself that, well, first they got my chart mixed up with someone else, and secondly that I was NOT going to have to go through chemo for something that tiny. If nothing else Tom wouldn't stand for it. But there he sat quietly. Tom was quiet. I know a lot of you who read this do not know Tom, but trust me when I tell you that the man doesn't stay quiet. Tom can have a two hour conversation with a mailbox - especially if that mailbox was a non-believing liberal politician (God, help it.)

As we were leaving the doctor's office, I was quite peeved with everyone...especially Tom! How dare he let them talk about doing those horrible things to me! Of course I was still crying and I asked him why; why didn't he speak up for me? It was simple he said: Lou (his mother) died of metastatic breast cancer. And then he said what I didn't know: she refused chemotherapy after her right breast was removed. He will always wonder if just going through the hell of chemotherapy would have saved her life. Any option and treatment they had for me, he wanted me to have. It was truly a matter of life and death.

Almost two years ago my friend Paul reached out to everybody I'd ever met in my entire life and begged them to pray for me. His sister Mary Beth, who lives in California, told everyone she's ever met in her entire life to pray for me. My best friend Julie cried with me. My brother called me (trust me that's a big deal!); my aunts and uncles sent gift cards for food; my cousins sent me gifts and took me out shopping; my Dad came and lived with me for months while I suffered through chemo; my church sent wonderful meals; and my mother directed everyone she knew (and probably didn't know) to my blog, and let me know how proud she was of me for being so strong. I think everyone I ever went to school with and worked with sent encouraging emails (shout out to Aaron, Ronnie, Kiva, Jim and Amy.)

I could go on forever thanking people for their gifts and prayers. Two years ago I got the worst news of my life. Two years ago I found out how many people in this world love me and it leaves me in awe.

Sleepy Girl in Kansas City Gets a Mammogram

It's the middle of the night and I've been up watching TV and eating. I can't sleep anymore. It's gotten so bad that I don't know what to do. Ok, I know what to do - go see a doctor. You know what the doctor will do though, right? He'll give me more drugs to help me sleep. Oh, I think I'm on enough different medications and I don't need any more. Besides, most of the sleep aids make me sluggish the next day. I am to the point now where I envy people who can crawl in bed and fall asleep all on their own.

I know the title of my blog is Nothing To Worry About, but I spend a great deal of time worrying. About everything. There is a good chance this is what's keeping me awake at night. How do people shut off their mind and just fall asleep? This insomnia is killing me. I want one night that I go to sleep and I don't wake up again until morning.

Anyway, since I can't sleep I thought it was time I updated this (and I plan to keep it updated from here on out. We'll see how that goes.) On the cancer front: I am seeing my oncologist every three months now and so far all has gone well. I do have a lump in my right breast that they are keeping an eye on, but two mammograms have shown that it isn't growing, so they don't believe it's anything serious. They will continue to give me a mammogram every 6 months though, just in case.

Story time! This involves my last mammogram:

My oncologist makes all these appointments for me way far in advance - like three months! And I always mean to program those dates into my phone (cause you see I have one of those nifty iPhones that can do everything except drive a car.) The phone is unable to notify you if you always forget to add your appointments into the calendar. Because of this major phone malfunction, I miss a lot of appointments. Stupid phone. So I missed my scheduled mammogram and I needed to have one done before seeing Dr Young a few weeks ago. With a lot of begging and pleading, I was able to get a last minute appointment.

When I arrived, I ended up getting the same mammogram technician who did my very first mammogram. Talk about your major flashbacks! She didn't remember me. I tried to remind her who I was, too. I explained how I was there almost two years ago and she put my boobs in this machine and squeezed them - and yet not a spark of recognition from her.

We did get talking about all that I had gone through the last couple of years. Of course, she noticed the scars on my breasts and told me, as everyone who sees them tells me, that they look fantastic. I tell her thank you and said I was sure she had lovely breasts also - because, you know, I'm polite like that. It's at this point that she tells me that the sonogram giver tech girl (that is her official title) also had breast cancer and a double mastectomy. She had the same reconstruction surgery as me, too. That was kind of neat. I have never met anyone in real life who had the same surgery as me.

After getting my boobs squeezed in the machine, I had to wait while the radiologist reviewed the films to make sure I didn't need a do-over. As I was waiting, they brought over sonogram giver tech girl and we started talking about all we went through. She didn't have the same plastic surgeon as I, but hers was out of the same office. She asked me how many surgeries I had to have to get my breasts looking so nice and I told her I only had the one. She was a bit taken back. Seems sonogram giver tech girl had already had three surgeries and was waiting for her 4th.

Of course I tried to be subtle and gazed at the area where her breasts were. Oh my! I think that's what I thought. Her breasts were closer to under her arms instead the in front of her chest and seemed lower than they should have been. She busted me looking and told me that the next surgery was going to be getting the breasts more centered.

She was just another reminder of how blessed I am. I had one surgery; got great breasts and I'm done. I didn't give it much thought, but I guess I figured that's how it went for everyone. Silly me. I, of all people, should know that if it can go wrong...it will.

Almost two years ago I started this blog. It feels like that was forever ago. I'm back to almost 100%. I want to thank everyone for all their prayers and help as I went through this. And I'll wrap this up by reminding everyone that it's the end of October - which means it's the end of breast cancer awareness month. If you haven't already... GET A MAMMOGRAM!